So I have always told myself that "Im not a runner" and I cant run. I think some of it stems back to sports growing up where running was a punishment or when the new season started and we had to condition by running. Which everyone dreaded and some puked there guts up during. Needless to say I have always hated to run and could never figure out why people run for fun. I am not a "quitter" and am usually up for anything and so its always bothered me that I cant run miles with some of my friends or even for myself until I found this. I found this program soon after my my died and I decided to go for it. I can run/walk so I thought it would be good to ease into it.
I can officially say that I have hit my 2 mile mark. WOW! That is impressive for me. Running two miles, granted it was on a treadmill but still. It wasn't easy but somewhat enjoyable. Now I am on my way to 3 miles. My goal is to be able to run a 9 to 10 minute mile outside. Also, I would love to compete in a 5K race. I want to do it for me, to have proof that "I can do it."
So far losing myself in exercise has really helped me start to heal the HUGE whole in my heart. I have a good cry every once in while now and last night was another episode. If I look at my mom's smiling face beside my bed for my than a few seconds, the tears are sure to follow. Dangit, I miss her so much, I could just scream!! I was thinking the other day about how her death is similar to being called on a great mission. This analogy has helped me do deal. To me I picture a lot of really great people that sign up for this mission cause we all want to go. Its a great opportunity to serve and it would be an enormous accomplishment. But, there are only a few people that get chosen to go. Only the most righteous are chosen amongst the crowd. We are all trying to live our best so we can get picked. So out of the crowd my sweet, humble mother got chosen to go. This mission is a Heavenly mission that doesn't allow emails or even phone calls on mothers Day or Christmas. How I wish I could squeeze in just a few more conversations to tell her what is on my mind. This analogy helps me to realize that she is in a great place surrounded by wonderful people and that she is busy, lost in a great work that only I cannot understand. I look forward to the day when I can again kiss her sweet cheeks and feel her arms around me like all the hundreds of time before. In my mothers arms is when I feel at home. I miss that feeling and nothing can take its place. A mothers love is like no other and that is why I feel so empty.
This post started with exercise and ended with me crying. I don't know how that happens. All in all, I feel good and I know that a strong testimony and a great workout are to blame for that feeling within me.
3 comments:
I ended it crying also. We are coming up on my Dad's 2 year death anniversary. As hard as it was loosing my Dad I cannot imagine how hard it would be to loose my Mom. I am so sorry for your loss but I am glad you are dealing with it. I have recently realized that when I suddenly have a thought about my Dad, that it is then that he is there visiting me and checking in on me. For a long time I was saddened that I couldn't ever "feel" him there, but I think for me he is there when I have a thought about him. Anyway, hang in there, it gets a little better. Call me if you just need to talk. Love ya Sherri.
You can do it! I know you can. I believe that anyone can run. It's just a matter of training yourself. GREAT JOB on the 2 miles!
Thanks for the post, the inspiration and of course the good cry. I love you so much Sherri, I am so glad that we are so close and through this hard time we have eachother. Your the best!
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